Send my regards to the city. (Rambling)

First of all:
Okay, seriously. Accept the fact that you are human. You are frail and explosive and a little bit fucked up right now. But you can change that. I know you can.

You said you want to be a martyr, want the world to remember you for something you're not. Those are impressive thoughts and they sound admirable but you know what, you're a lost little boy like everyone else. You don't get it, neither of you do. And I'm sick of being in the middle. Stress and sadness are the tidal waves of emotion - they flood over everyone surrounding the storm.

Second:
It's so hard to hide.

Have you ever watched a ballet dancer? I mean actually, really watched them? Watched their leg muscles that appear to be immobile, but are actually almost imperceptibly moving all the time? And what if, what if you pushed them, just a little bit. The best of them would falter a little, but stay. The ones that are still learning though, they're the ones that'll crash.

&

Lastly, fuck you:
I must be craving attention, right?
I must want you to see this.
I must be bitter.
Fuck, yeah.

But life's like that. Take notice. Listen to the warnings given.

As soon as you step outside what you know, as soon as you go public, as soon as you think you finally know what you're doing, or at least recognize and accept that you never really will, as soon as you achieve that perfect, precarious balance of control and surrender,
that's when all it takes is a slight nudge..

and everything falls to pieces.

I don't do this so you'll feel bad, so you'll change your mind.
No, this time, I'm doing something for me. I need a clean break, at least for a while. And I'd like you to know that.
but ps,i hope your painting gets me into perpich.