Holidays.

Ohhh, a christmas full of apathy and pessimism.

From my job, I was given a healthy dislike for the commercialism of this ridiculous country, for the tremendous value everyone places on money and material things, and finally, the fact that this holiday turns people that would normally be semi-reasonable into fucking obnoxious five-year-olds.

From my family, I was given the real-life lesson that marriage is just some words on a certificate and a symbolic ring - something I will probably not ever partake in.

From religion - I was given the ability to question what I've been taught as truth. Always.

From my friends, I mostly just got a lot of bullshit.

From this state, well, I suppose it would be considered a joint gift to myself and the rest of the people in this county or surrounding area, but whatever - I was given lots of ice on the roads, and a car that won't start properly and spits out smoke. I got fifteen layers of clothes and some cold weather that penetrates my walls and spirits - winter doesn't exactly foster happy feelings for me.

From school, I have recieved thus far a half-assed education from a lot of teachers that really don't even want to be there. For example, my math teacher, who teaches so he can coach our losing basketball team. Props to the public school system! There are a few exceptions though, I guess.

From the male sex this year, I got lots of answering machines and long drives home. I got a heart that's a little bit beaten up and a large dose of cynicism.

I do not know why I am in such a horrible mood right now. Yeah, Christmas.

Fuck that.

I'm not getting married, ever,

Parental Control.

Makes me laugh. People are funny. But anyway, this kind of made my day:

This is power. This is bravery. I don't see power portrayed as your typical CEO in a suit, or a dictator packing his gun. I think this man, whatever happened to him, in this moment transcends the lines of conventional force. He's standing up to something so much bigger than himself, and you are just waiting for him to be defeated, his defiance quashed - but his influence in those few seconds is incredible. It takes real strength to go against not just an idea you disagree with, but the embodiment of it in a physical TANK form. This guy is a genuine badass. I wish I could do that?

On a side note, Tasha doesn't hate me? Even though, you know, here's me telling her to do the exact opposite of what I just admired. Just for future reference, I suck at consolation. A lot. My comforting is pessimistic wrapped up in pretty words, hoping that maybe facing reality will hurt a little less if I say it nicely. Oh well. I guess I can't be the person that is all hugs and Iloveyou's. I'm the one that tells you not to love. Oh well, maybe she can do the opposite and learn? Fuck it. This was my response to her blog about her breakup.

"But some people do break your heart. Some people do hurt you. Don't fall in love with people. Don't put your trust in something that you can't control. If you have to love, love something static, something that you can count on to stay the same. Fall in love with beauty. Love the ocean's tide or the sunrise, they happen every single day. They might look a little different, but they're never going to completely change. Sometimes, they might bring hurricanes, or acid rain. Disaster. But you can always trust that they'll go back to waves and sleepy pink clouds."

Not. Comforting.

I liked this idea though!
pixie0245: let's go to italy for new year's
tashalawanda: i want tooo
pixie0245: we can like, hijack a plane or something, because i'm broke as fuck. but
pixie0245: we'll take it and head a little bit south and steal a few people :p, and
tashalawanda: i would love that
pixie0245: everyone will be out partying, they wouldn't notice
tashalawanda: haha that's awesome
pixie0245: we could celebrate in the sky
pixie0245: and then celebrate again
pixie0245: when we cross time zones.