Thank you Notebook.

Do I believe in love? Soulmates? Maybe. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I want to, though. I mean, maybe that person is a million miles away and you'll look your entire life and never find them. Maybe such a thing doesn't exist at all. But maybe they're just next door.

And maybe all of this makes me just another silly girl, but you know what, I want to believe that yeah, somewhere there's that one person that isn't just some other guy; that person that's really just an addition to yourself, and losing them would be akin not just to cutting off a leg or an amr, but all four appendages. You would become useless without them. I want to think that maybe there's someone I could love that much.

I don't know if it's real. I've never seen it. I know I've never felt it. But maybe I could. Maybe it could be you, maybe it won't be. But I know I'm not taking the easy way out; I'm going to stick with this and if I get hurt, I get hurt. If you break my heart then it breaks and maybe I'll be stronger because of it later.

Maybe I'll just be more jaded.

There's some things we just can't know. And maybe we're not meant to.

I really, really, just want to fucking sleep.

600mg of caffine = all nighter.

God damn, at least I know those stupid little pills are effective. I didn't really think they would be, and now I am definately paying the price of that. I want to sleeeeeeeeeepp. I should at least be being productive and like, actually studying for something. But you know how that goes. I sort of just want to give all my teachers a big fuck off right now and leave things at that.

On a side note, I don't like that I have no motivation whatsoever. It's out of character.

Mhmmm.

Don't worry, I'm not depressed, I'm not anything special. Just a self-indulgent little girl putting herself on hold for a while, trying to figure out life. But hey, we are a flawed race. I think everyone is damaged somehow, some of us are just better at hiding it than others.

Lying is the currency of the world.

You have no idea how hard I'm trying to be mad. I hate feeling this vulnerable.

Girl, interrupted.

Sometimes I envy the truly crazy people. When something is wrong, they never have to explain themselves, they never need an excuse. They have a valid reason for being fucked up. Sometimes I want a reason?

Miss Rona has a point:

"..to find true happiness, you have to risk being completely cut open." - Invisible Monsters

This is true. But life is a lot easier, a lot less stressful, if you never have to worry, because you don't commit to anything that lacks a definite outcome.

If you're never sad, because you don't chase after anything when the possibility of failure exists.

If you always think before you speak, because vocalizing your true feelings might have consequences.

If you never question anything, because you're afraid there might not be answers.

If you give up on things before you start, because they seem impossible and unreachable.

If you don't dream, because you don't want to wake up and face reality.

But guess what, that's not really living.

I think fear dictates too much in people's lives. Mine included. I hate being afraid. I hate taking risks. But sometimes still I just fucking crash into things headfirst,without analyzing, without planning, just feeling. I've done some things like that lately, and made some decisions that quite honestly scare the hell out of me. But I'm okay with that. I wouldn't change a thing.

Cryptic.

For once I want to be the car crash, not just the traffic jam.

FLL was good, but not amazing, mostly due to the fact that I wasn't in any sort of mood for a show. But nonetheless, not altogether terrible.

I'll say it again: boys are fucking confusing.

Aldksfhsdklf I'm excited for tomorrow.

Sometimes, you have to do what feels completely wrong and crazy in order to figure out what's right.